


happy birthday, you son of a bitch

by Herbluvsdan



Category: Lupin III
Genre: M/M, sin - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-08
Updated: 2015-09-08
Packaged: 2018-04-19 16:42:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4753529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Herbluvsdan/pseuds/Herbluvsdan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>it's lupin's birthday and he wants jigen to do something special for him >B)c<br/>also can you tell i was having trouble titling it</p>
            </blockquote>





	happy birthday, you son of a bitch

Four in the afternoon: that was when Lupin sat up straight and let out a low whistle. Jigen's head slowly rose from the dishes he was cleaning, and he turned slightly to face Lupin.  
"Something you need?" he asked.  
"No," Lupin sighed, "I'm just bored."  
Jigen let out a _hmph_ , and returned to scrubbing a particularly stubborn stain out of a pot.  
"You know, Jigen, my birthday is in a few days."  
"Well, isn't that nice."  
"Yeah. Are you, uh, doing anything special for me?"  
"It wouldn't be special if I told you. But anyway, no. I'm not. Happy birthday."  
"Tsk, tsk, so _rude!_ " Lupin whined, putting a hand to his chest in offense. "Oh well. I have an idea for you, in any case."  
"Oh, really? Does it involve you wanting me to beg Fujiko to sleep with you, like last time? Or maybe you want me to steal Zantetsuken again, to prank Goemon. You remember how upset he was about that."  
Lupin giggled at the memory of Goemon's anger. "No, no, Jigen, dear! Nothing like that. In fact, I'd say it's mutually beneficial. I need your help on a job."  
"A job? What kind of job?"  
"I'm going to be stealing a rather precious gem. This time, if you accept, it will be just the two of us. Doesn't that sound nice? Oh, and Zenigata and the entire police force if he can help it."  
Jigen gave a thoughtful hum. "And what do you want me to do that's so important?"  
"Well.." Lupin's voice trailed off. "Well, if you decline, I'll have to do this part by myself. I want you to take my part in all this. I think it would amusing."  
"I don't think I like where this is going."  
"Ah, it's not that bad! All you have to do is put on a cute dress and play stripper for one night. Just one! Not even that long, either, Jigen!"

Jigen stiffened, turning to face the thief. Play stripper for one night. There was no way in hell he was going to put on a skimpy outfit and dance on a pole, not for an hour, not for a few minutes, not for one damn second.

"Jigen? Hello, earth to Jigen!" Lupin called, suddenly in front of Jigen's face, waving his hand in front of the man.  
Jigen shook his head slowly. "No way am I stripping for you."  
"You're not stripping for me in particular! I mean, I'll be there of course, but you'll only be in front of a few people. And I'll be there, you know."  
"You said that. It doesn't make me any more comforted."  
"Ji-Ji, please! Please do this, for me? It'd make a great gift for my birthday, you know."  
Jigen paused. Was he really going to do this for Lupin? Though he hated to admit it, the idea of it.. kind of turned him on.. And he didn't like that. He sighed. "Don't be ridiculous, Lupin. I can't do it. I'm tall. I'm lanky. I have a beard."  
"A little padding here and there, and some makeup, and we can fix that! You have strong legs, Jigen, you can do it! All you have to do is be sexy for a few minutes, and then I'll grab that gem, and we'll be out of there. Come on, Jigen. _Pleeeeaaase?_ "  
Jigen groaned. "Fine."

When Jigen had finally gotten into his disguise and looked in the mirror, he was shocked. He wore a pink poofy dress, under it fishnet stockings. His hair was tied back and styled. His face was covered in layers of makeup, winged eyeliner, pink eyeshadow, bright red lipstick, the whole deal. He looked like a woman, alright. Lupin was right; he might actually be able to pull this off. Just then, Lupin came next to him, throwing his arm over his shoulder.  
"Well, look at you! You look very sexy! Better than I thought you would, even. I guess I really do have a talent for makeup, haha! Well, tonight's the night. Do you want me to teach you how to do it?" he asked, leading Jigen out of the bathroom.  
"How to do what?" Jigen asked, his eyebrows furrowing.  
"How to poledance, of course! Jigen, dear, have you been with me this whole time or did I miss something?"  
"I have a feeling Fujiko would be a better teacher, but whatever. Fine. If you want to."  
"Hm, okay. Well, come here then! I'll teach you how to make it look real, alright?" Lupin said, grabbing Jigen's wrist and leading him elsewhere.

~

The night finally came. Jigen was nervous. He couldn't back out last minute, and he wouldn't of course. He always kept his word. Always kept his end of the deal.  
"Okay. The deal is, I've kinda befriended this guy. You're my friend, Alice. You like to entertain men, got it?"  
"I understand that part well, Lupin. Get to the plan."  
"Ay-ay, okay! For a while, I'll be in there with you. You'll distract them will your womanly charm, and I'll slip away to steal the gem. Oh, and the police will be there. That's why I'm in disguise too. You don't even have to talk or anything! Isn't that nice? Now, let's get in there."  
"I can't believe you wanted this for your birthday..." Jigen muttered as they entered the building.

When they entered, Jigen immediately spotted Zenigata standing in the shadows of the large room, next to a squad of police officers. At the front of the room was a stage, with three poles connected the ceiling. Jigen took a deep breath. Lupin shook hands with a round man, and said something quietly, gesturing to Jigen. Lupin elbowed Jigen as the round man walked to a seat.  
"See, Jigen. Nothing to worry about, you won't even be alone up there." he whispered, his breath hot on Jigen's neck. "And hey, I'll be cheering you on."  
A small noise escaped from Jigen's throat. Lupin giggled.  
"Now come on, get up there and put on a show," Lupin said lowly, grabbing Jigen's backside before moving on to sit down next to the round man.

Jigen took a deep breath before walking to the stage. The whole stripping thing was bad enough, but the fact that Zenigata was there only made it worse. He walked onto the stage slowly, approaching the pole. He looked it up and down. It was.. really tall. He placed his hand on it. Here goes nothing, he thought to himself.

Lupin sat in the audience, grinning, slightly proud of Jigen. He wasn't afraid to admit that Jigen wasn't too bad up there.  
"Oi, shake those hips a little harder, eh!" he shouted. He could feel Jigen's glaring.  
He looked around. Everyone was very taken by Jigen, it seemed. Perfect. Even poor Zenigata was distracted. Slowly, Lupin moved to find the gem, making sure not to cause too much of a distraction.

On the stage, Jigen hardly noticed Lupin go. He was too busy putting on a show. He looked towards the back of the room to see Zenigata. Poor old man, he thought, must've been ages since he got some. They made eye contact for a second, and Jigen, not knowing quite what to do, winked at him and smiled. He saw Zeni's eyes grow wider and his body stiffen. Jigen hoped desperately that he wasn't on the path to seducing Zenigata of all people.

All of a sudden, an alarm went ringing, loudly, hurting everyone's ears. Zenigata paused for a second before snapping out of it.  
" _LUPIN!!!_ " he shouted, " _COME OUT HERE!_ "

Jigen ran as quickly as his high heels would let him, out the door and into the street, where Lupin stood. Lupin gestured for him to follow him. They ran a good few yards out before turning into an alleyway concealed by a dumpster. Lupin stopped and turned to face Jigen, who was leaning against a wall, panting.

Lupin grinned. "You did good back there, Jigen. Really good." Lupin said, stepping closer to Jigen.  
"Yeah, thanks." Jigen remarked, pulling off his mask and letting down his hair.  
"Even I was turned on, really."  
Jigen paused. "Okay."  
Lupin's eyebrows furrowed. "Okay?"  
"What do you want me to say? I don't think now's the time to be discussing this."  
"Jigen, I'm complimenting you. I don't get a thank you?" Lupin purred, pressing himself against Jigen and gripping his dress.  
"Personal space, Lupin? Thank you. But now isn't really a great time to-"

His words were cut off by Lupin dragging him into a long, rough kiss. He didn't mind, though; he gave right back, their bodies pressed against each other, hands roaming each other's body. Lupin was particularly handsy, grabbing and groping Jigen almost everywhere. Jigen's hands were caught up in Lupin's upper half, one caressing his face, the other entwined in the man's hair. They were at this for a while, before a familiar voice was heard shouting Lupin's name.  
"Lupin! I've got you now!" Zenigata yelled, turning down the alley, handcuffs out. It was in each other's arms that Zenigata found them, breaking the embrace as soon as they heard his voice.

For a moment, all was quiet, an awkward silence.  
"W-Well, Pops, you sure got the worst timing I've ever seen!" Lupin said finally, with a weak laugh.  
"Lupin, we should get out of here." Jigen said, grabbing Lupin and pulling him away, running from a stunned, silent Zenigata.

When they returned to their hideout, they took a moment to catch their breath.  
"Well, shame the old man had to stop our fun." Lupin said with a rough laugh. He kissed Jigen again, leading him to and shoving him down on the nearest bed. He straddled his hips, kissing him once more. "Maybe we should pick up where we left off, eh?"  
Jigen gasped slightly. He hadn't gotten a good breath in since he started to strip. "Can I at least take off this ridiculous dress?"  
Lupin hummed, dragging his fingers down Jigen's torso. "I don't know.. I think I kind of like how you look in this.."  
Jigen groaned, shifting underneath Lupin.  
"Well, hey, don't throw a fit! If all goes well, you won't be having to wear it for much longer anyway, dear." Lupin purred.  
"Well, you'd better get on with it. This thing itches like crazy."  
Lupin grinned, and pulled him into a kiss.

On the other side of town, Zenigata was sitting in his office, lights off, feet up on his desk, listening to the sounds of the pouring rain. He'd failed once more. Once again, Lupin had gone off with another treasure. As much as he wished to convince himself otherwise, though, that wasn't the only part that he was stuck on. He had essentially walked in on Lupin and Jigen feeling each other up. It was an image that was hard to get out of his mind. He wasn't sure how he felt about, not even sure he should be feeling anything about it. But deep inside, there was a feeling bubbling up. Something like jealousy. Something like anger.

Zenigata sighed heavily. None of that mattered. All that mattered then was the paperwork he was going to have to fill out, describing yet another failure as across town Lupin and Jigen were getting their jollies off each other. 

"Happy birthday, you son of a bitch.." Zenigata muttered, clicking on a desk lamp. Tonight was going to be a long night.

**Author's Note:**

> RIP IM A SINNER  
> i hope i didnt fuck it up lol!!!


End file.
